George Zimmerman was acquitted. Cleared of all charges. He is a free man.
If you know me, or even know of me, then you know right now I am as angry as I could possibly be. Rage doesn't even begin to describe what I feel. As I process my feelings I thought it would be a good idea to write them down so I could "see" them. As I write, I realize that I am angry at three specific things.
1. I am angry at myself. Yes. Myself. I am angry at myself for how I feel. Why? Because for the briefest of moments, I believed that Martin and his family had a chance at justice. Surely in the year 2013 an unarmed teenager's murder would not go unpunished. Surely they would look at the law. Surely they would look at the circumstances. Surely they would be able to relate to losing a son. Surely they would understand that Martin did not deserve what happened to him. I was an absolute fool. When has a black man ever received equal justice under the law in America? Did Aiyana Stanley Jones receive justice? Or Rekia Boyd? Or Chavis Carter? Or Emmitt Till? What in the Nine Realms made me believe that Trayvon Martin would be any different? Because I cared so much? Because I thought about how I grew up? Because I'm afraid for my son? No. I was a fool to believe for one second that there was a shred of hope this case would turn out any different than it did.
2. I am angry at some of my brothers and sisters. My brothers and sisters who entertained hypothetical nonsense, speculation, and ambiguity. My brothers and sisters who co-signed Zimmerman. My brothers and sisters who conflated Trayvon's death with black on black crime, inner city violence, and all sorts of other foolishness. My brothers and sisters who insultingly suggested that because we cared for Trayvon that we cared nothing for other brothers and sisters who were killed and are being killed. My brothers and sisters who not only refused to stand up, but criticized those who DID stand up and reinforced the idea that all black men are suspect and guilty until proven innocent. You boot licking slime turn my stomach. You truly make me want to vomit.
3. I am angry at racist America. You have been killing my brothers for over 400 years. You've lynched my brothers. Hung them from trees. Castrated them. Shot them. Burned them. Beat them. You've raped my sisters. Abused them. Beaten them. Attacked them emotionally. Physically. Psychologically. You've attacked and even killed the best and brightest among us. Malcolm. Medger. Martin. The list is endless. We have been forced to learn your language. Your culture. Your ways. We have been forced to assimilate into your society. We even bear the names of those who used to own us. But despite what we do, we will never be more than monkeys, niggers, tar babies, and jungle bunnies to you. Despite the many successful young black men and women out there we will always be thugs, welfare queens, drug dealers, and hoes. We are second class citizens at best and gun fodder at worst in your eyes. Fuck you racist America. Fuck you straight to hell.
So this is where I am at right now. This is what I feel right now. I imagine these feelings will linger for quite some time.
Trayvon Martin was tried for his own murder....and found guilty. It could've been my son. My brother. Or even me. I'll never be good with this. I'll never be right with this. Ever....
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